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37 days after the coffee maker died, a new one has arrived to take its rightful place on my countertop just left of the dishwasher.  A while ago I asked y’all how long you thought it would take to get a new one and only one person took a shot at it.  However, weatherwax guessed “5 weeks, 2 days” - right on the money!  Well done!  Unless you secretly work for Tassimo and gamed the delivery for some sick, twisted purpose… 

The box seems to sport brighter artwork than I remember way back when we bought it.  The instructions are presented in a much more professional manner than the last iteration as well - almost Apple-like.

Well, time to let the water filter soak, fill out the warranty card, and take ‘er out for a test joe.  Wish me luck!

 CERN to Destroy Protons, Earth

Work on the Large Hadron Collider has been temporarily halted thanks to a lawsuit that accuses the scientists of disregarding the danger of creating black holes and exotic subatomic fiddle-faddle that can, in a vaguely specified yet dramatic fashion, destroy the world.

According to a website set up on the side of the prosecution: “…any miniature black hole created at rest in a collider would essentially be trapped in Earth’s gravitational field, and over seconds to hours, slowly interact and acquire more mass, if Hawking radiation does not work as predicted, or as quickly as predicted, to cause the newly-minted miniature black hole to “evaporate”.

I am guessing they are referring to a runaway event where the world is turned into a singularity. This won’t happen, so please don’t use “world likely to not exist” as an excuse to blow off mowing your lawn.

One of the things the scientists will accomplish with their I’m-sure-extremely-important-on-some-level experiments, however, is discover the elusive Yawn Event Horizon, where virtually unreadable journal articles with words like “unitary improved Born approximation” and “pion–rho transition form factors“ are spontaneously generated and thrust upon the unsuspecting public.   In addition, a side effect of reaching this event horizon is the so-called Master’s Thesis to Having a Prom Date Ratio will rapidly approach infinity as soon as the machine is switched on.

But the world will still be here.  Just chill.

Tassimo called!  The service center admitted defeat and recommended that Braun mail me a brand new coffee maker.  According to the phone message I got, they will mail it off tomorrow so I should get it within two weeks… maybe sooner…

Hmm… Or maybe never…  My wife and I agree that a large fraction of the unhappiness in the world revolves around the foolish belief that one’s fellow man will actually do something they say they are going to do.   I think I’ll call tomorrow and get the tracking number…

  Miami-Dade Police to Fight Crime with UAVs  

These eyes in the sky from Honeywell hover several hundred feet up and monitor everything from above. They have a ceiling of over 10,000 feet and an airspeed of 50 knots. A video of one in action can be found here. Pretty slick piece of engineering if what is shown is semi-autonomous flight.

The article says that they will be deployed (by the Miami-Dade police) “in tactical situations only”.  Since these (and any piece of equipment, really) require real-theater training to operate properly, I really don’t think “tactical situations only” is correct.  Expect to see these things flying around on lots of non-windy days and nights.  Therefore, expect a sudden rise in UFO sightings from panicky locals as well. 

This meshes nicely with Headline Prediction #1 I made for this year: Drone Shot Down Over U.S. Soil. Here is a link to the rest of the guesses I made in November for 2008 news events.  Anyone have a feeling on how long it will take before someone shoots one down or when one of these things (which weighs as much as a bowling ball, btw) accidentally crashes somewhere in the city?  

My brother sent me a picture of an old computer today via cell phone.  He has no real interest in stuff like this but he thought I would enjoy seeing it, which is cool.

Here’s the problem: He snapped the picture quickly as he was leaving wherever it was he was at so the light is not good and the image is a little blurry. Not so blurry that you can’t tell this is an old computer with dual 5 1/4 inch floppies, but just blurry enough where the logo is just barely illegible (to me, anyway).  He does not remember any of the details other than the computer “looked old”.

He didn’t mean to send it as a brain teaser, but I can’t seem to put the clues together to identify this piece of equipment.  I checked out images of vintage computers though Google but no dice. 

Any thoughts?  If I find out anything I will post an update or a comment.

[Update: It turns out this is a Franklin Ace 1200. Thanks, everyone who wasted part of their day figuring this out!]

Today marks 30 days since the coffee maker broke. 

Tassimo called on Friday and left a garbled message saying that the service center was not open that day, so they could not check on the status of my coffee maker.  Ok.  Fair enough. 

I called back this evening to ask them (again) to please keep everything through e-mail so I could have a paper trail of this process, and to ask why I still did not get a status of any kind on Monday.  They said they they would put a note in the computer to escalate the issue.  For those of you keeping track, this is the third so-called escalation.  I am not sure what escalation is or what is accomplishes, but it seems as though my coffee maker has been put on Double Secret Probation…

In keeping with my fine tradition of “Oh-Look-a-Squirrel” home project management, I have shifted away from the wood chalice project (Puzzle 05 to be) and have begun to focus on re-purposing the table I found along the side of the road.  It looks like the legs, bracing, and skirt can all be salvaged and repaired, but, sadly, the top cannot… at least not entirely.  One of the leaves was too warped to do anything with.

The silver lining  is that about 80% of the (maple!) top could be salvaged (picture on left).  This will become the basis for an entertainment center for my up-and-coming den, and I will create a pine top for the rest of the table and sell that on craigslist.

So now one project has turned into two.  I am pretty happy about that, but you can probably hear my wife grinding her teeth from where you are…

 The Great Sunflower Project 

Hey, remember all those news articles last year about one of the major keystones of our food supply dying off in droves?  No?  I am not surprised, really.  According to Google Trends, there were about as many news articles in 2007 with the word “marshmallow” in it as “colony collapse disorder”…

Colony Collapse Disorder killed off a very large percentage of bees (up to 90%), according to various media outlets.  Other sources have more conservative estimates (twice as much as normal cyclic die-offs). Still a lot, and still a really big deal.

In any case, a researcher is attempting to locate honeybees by encouraging people to grow sunflowers (of a specific, pollen producing sort) attracting bees, and counting them.  A map will be created with the data, and they even send you Native Wild Sunflower seeds if you sign up.

I think this is a really neat idea.  To quote the site: “It’s time to turn off your television, take off those earphones, shut down that computer, go outside, and rediscover the wonder of nature. That’s one goal of the Great Sunflower Project.”  If that doesn’t convince you, the tagline at the bottom of the page says “Bees: Responsible for Every Third Bite of Food“.

I have added the link to the Check It Out section of this site.  Click the link in the sidebar on the right or the GO icon above.  Good Luck, Dr. LeBuhn!

I finished putting the remaining hardware on the access doors tonight.  The room looks a lot warmer and friendlier now - not so “attic-y”, I guess.  Click on the image on the left for a larger view.  Sorry for the cruddy quality of the picture - I had to take it with my flash-less cell phone andthe  lighting in that room is not so great. The next steps will be to paint the room and put in a new ceiling fan.  Then add a TV and a comfy chair and I am pretty much done. Not this weekend, though… too many other things going on.

Contacted Tassimo.  Again.  I did so yesterday as well, but the lady acted like I broke my own coffee maker and sent it off for the sole purpose of making her angry.  I called back tonight and got a different rep.  She said that she will “escalate” the issue and I should call back in a week if I have not heard anything.  The only way to get a hold of someone in charge is to write a snail-mail letter (they claim) to a P.O. Box in Dover, Delaware (No name, BTW).  I will write this letter this weekend and mail it off on Monday. 

The best answer I have right now is, believe it or not, to contact Kraft Foods and work my way down, which is ridiculous on a lot of levels, I know, I know. If anyone has any idea on how to directly contact a management type at Braun I would be most appreciative.  Thanks in advance.

 Stuff You See Affects You in Certain Ways, Maybe

I really don’t know what to say about this research other than it is either the most important study ever done in behavioral science, or it is a complete waste of research hours and dollars. 

Either a) you can force people to do your bidding (vote for whomever, purchase whatever, calm an angry populace, etc.) with subliminal messages like they have been studying for decades, or b) the data or study is faulty somehow.  Since the article doesn’t say how different, exactly, the test group allegedly behaved from the control group, I am thinking this study is mostly garbage… and old garbage at that.  Check out this quote from the article:

And consumers should be aware that they are susceptible to influences they may not detect and use this knowledge to their advantage. “If you know you need to perform well on some task, say something athletic, you may want to surround yourself with images and brand logos that represent success in athletics.”

Yeah, that’s just what people need - reliance on corporations to turn them into “better” people. “You can be awesome if and only if you buy more stuff!”

I think my brain just threw up into my skull.

I am nearly finished work on the access doors in my wife’s old office (my new den).  The painted plywood doors that were there allowed access to a great storage area upstairs but the stupid things folded down to open them - the hinges were near the floor.  Great design for a completely empty room.  Not so great if someone actually lives in the house and owns, say, furniture that might get in the way.  In addition to being a pain to use, it looked kind of cheap… I mean, the doors were held in the closed position with wing nuts FCOL.  I replaced the plyboard with stained T-111 and created threaded wooden knobs to hold the doors in place.  No hinges - the doors lift out so now you only need a few inches wiggle room instead of over 3 feet.  I will post pictures once the finishing touches have been added.

I saw a table by the side of the road a few days ago as I was driving to Lowe’s to pick up some hardware for the access doors.  I didn’t get a good look at it then, but I drove by again today and it was still there.  Of all the pieces of furniture I have rescued and re-purposed, this looks like it is going to be near the top of the heap when it comes to sheer difficulty.  I am guessing this is a very old ex-dining room table.  The legs are all damaged in some fashion, the top is cracked, warped, and peeling.  Click on the image on the left for a larger view.  The 2-foot level is there to give you a sense of scale.  I am really looking forward to starting on this one.  Again, I will post pictures as I progress. 

In case you are interested, I am still working on Puzzle 05: The Chalice.  I have been stumped for a while now on how to proceed, but I broke down and bought a drum sander bit (about $5) for my drill to help me smooth out the inside of the cup.  Hopefully it will help.

Hey, the microwave finally died!  We got a new one.  It felt good to do something for the economy, but I was a little worried when I spotted the sign at Best Buy that said “NO AMERICAN CURRENCY, PLEASE.  FARM ANIMALS OR BAKED GOODS WELCOME IN TRADE.”  Curse you, falling dollar… I didn’t have any chickens or cupcakes on me, but the day manager said I could whitewash his fence and we’d call it even.  Nice fellow.  I hope we get to work together on some public works project during the Even Greater Depression (coming real soon (according to the news, anyway)).  And if not, I wish him and his family swift bread lines and a wind-free alleyway to squat in.

The coffee maker has been at Suspiciously Anonymous Appliance Center in New York for a week now.  I called Tassimo to ask “Hey, jerky, what’s up with my coffee maker?” and was surprised to find myself talking with a polite, knowledgeable, and seemingly genuinely concerned customer service rep.  She said if I had not heard anything in another week, call back.  I agreed to not let it slip my mind.  I told her about the scrap of bubble wrap that came in the shipping container and the comment from the last rep: “maybe they sent you so little cuz they figured it was broken anyway”.  She agreed that “electronically malfunctioning” is not the same as “broken into a thousand little pieces”.  To apologize, she is sending me a free pack of coffee discs.

So that just goes to show you that if you repeatedly request that things you purchase actually function as advertised and don’t go missing when they do fail, eventually you will be given a consolation prize worth about 3% of the cost of the item that broke.  Which, for some reason, genuinely makes you feel pretty darn good.

Well, I guess it’s time for another hint…

Hint #3 [Posted 031008 1912EST]: The message contains the word “wine”.

You can click on the image to go to the Puzzle Page.  Good Luck!

Also, the Poll has been updated - it’s in the sidebar on the right.  Every vote counts!

A lot of Americans will be getting a $600 rebate check from the government sometime this summer to “stimulate the economy”.  However, you may want to put off buying that BlueRay player for a bit longer because you are going to need that money to help the government subsidize the oil companies.

The price of gas in America goes through cycles that are driven by supply and demand, global events, inflation, greed, and other not-so-tangible factors.   The prices start to ramp up starting in February, plateau in May, start to drop in August, and return to normal in November.  See the graph below (taken from GasBuddy).

I won’t bore you with the math - the derivation is left as an exercise for the student - but if gas is destined to rise x dollars a gallon at this year’s plateau, then you will pay an average of 0.69x dollars per gallon extra from now until November 1.  For example, if gas shoots up to $4.25 per gallon (like some are saying) from where it was in mid-February at $3.00, the end result is the same as paying $3.86 per gallon for the next 34 weeks.

Let’s assume you fill up your tank once a week and it takes 15 gallons to do so.  On average, at $4.25 per gallon it’s going to cost you an extra $12.90 each time you go to the pump.   By the time November has rolled around, you will have paid an extra $438 in gas. This is 73% of your Stimulus Check.

Admittedly, hitting the $4.25 average above might be too high.  Then again, the calculation relies on the prices dropping back to normal by November - they might not if they follow 2007’s trend. So here is a little table to show you how much of your Stimulus Check will be, quite literally, burned up at various national averages. 

Assumptions:
Average National Gas Price Mid-Feb: $3.00
Gallons Used Per Week: 15

Plateau   % Check Burned
$3.20                      11.7
$3.40                      23.5  
$3.60                      35.2
$3.80                      46.9
$4.00                      58.7
$4.20                      70.4
$4.40                      82.1

Of course, if you start with a lower “normal” price or burn through more than 15 gallons a week, then these numbers get worse.  A lot worse.

So, what’s the punchline, here? It’s this: The stimulus package is $152 billion.  If gas hits $4.00 a gallon (like a lot of folks are saying) this is the same as the government writing a 89 billion dollar check to the oil companies. For comparison, Exxon Mobil posted a 39.5 billion dollar profit in 2007.  

Remember, folks: Torches in the left hand, pitchforks in the right.  It’s called organizing a mob for a reason, people.  Let’s not look sloppy out there.

Those of you who have read my On Carpentry post or read about the Viking Table know I like to take old, forgotten, and abused pieces of furniture and turn them into something usable.  I am not talking about restoring antiques - I really have no interest in that.  I am talking about taking items that are one step from being thrown away and seeing what I can do with them.

I am not a Master Craftsman by any sense of the term, so I learn a lot from each little project I do.  That’s really part of the fun for me.  Here are a couple of recent projects.

I used this cabinet (that my wife got at a garage sale for 5 bucks) in the garage to store circuit board etching chemicals, tools, dismantled Furbies, and stuff like that.  It was not in great shape to begin with but by the time I replaced it with something else it was a real wreck.  I was going to make it into a mini entertainment center with copper mesh windows but I really messed up the doors, so it ended up being a bookcase.  I replaced the top and used a painting technique called “crackle” to give the piece a “professionally distressed” look.  It needed a little something after it was “done”, so I added three trim pieces to pull the whole thing together.

Lessons learned from this project:

1. Poly and stain combinations save time but don’t seem to penetrate into the wood as much as doing those steps separately.
2. The next time I do “crackle” painting, I will paint a new undercoat even if I like the original color.  This will help ease the application of the top coat.
3. I will not trust the straight-line laser on my jigsaw to indicate anything other than “the laser is on”.  This is how the doors got wrecked.

This table was an estate sale find by my uncle-in-law.  It was shellacked to the point there were little blobby stalactites of the stuff all over the place.  I sanded the worst of it off to find the top was made of maple.  Unfortunately, there was a pretty large and deep water stain in the wood.  I sanded and bleached what I could to get the most of it out.  The top was split and the leg joints were coming apart, but a little glue fixed that.  I was not about to try and sand that thick shellac off the legs and body - I would have to be too rough with too many curvy bits.  So I painted it.  I don’t have a “before” picture of this one, but here is a “during” and “after”:

Lessons learned:

1. Don’t use Gorilla Glue to seal wood joints if you can help it.  It is very strong but expands when it dries.
2. Painting over shellac is an awful time consuming process if you use epoxy paint - it doesn’t stick well.  I needed 3 1/2 coats to get it to come out right.  Next time I will prep the surface better.

I am looking forward to rescuing another piece of furniture as soon as possible.